1. One click Unsubscribe - (love you)

2. Update your email preferences - just in case you still want to receive certain flavors of our spam

3. Reply to this email with Unsubscribe in the subject - This would be number 2 if Gmail didn't make it a hassle to change subject lines on replies

4. Enter which email address you'd like us to unsubscribe - alright, fine, i'll go back and check which address you sent that to because you wanted to make it just a little harder for me not to receive your spam

5. Login to update your email preferences - ah, god damnit. sure, yeah, ok i'm committed enough to cleaning up the flow of bullshit into my inbox that I'll jump through your (most likely very elegant) "Forgot Password?" process to get you out of my hair. 

6. Send us an email from the subscribed email address to unsubscribe@wesuck.com. Special shoutout for the one I just unsubscribed to that listed that unsubscribe address as: unsubscribe-at-wesuck-dot-com, NOT because they wanted to make it a gigantic pain in the ass for me to unsubscribe, but because they probably wanted to avoid their email address being scraped and exposed to, uh, spam. 

7. The BCC distro list - This is a variation on #6, reply to this email. However, since they just dump all recipients into the BCC field, there's no way to tell which fucking email address they sent their spam to. I have 11 email addresses - yes, I know I have issues - but this makes it imporssible to tell them to kindly leave me alone without providing them with a list of all my emails and hoping they figure it out. This is not a level of trust I've reached with these marketing gurus. This is acceptable (actually, preferable) for one-time, sorry-I-have-to-do-this mass emails. If this is your ongoing marketing approach, it puts your product or cause one level below a MySpace Event in terms of importance or relevance. Hand in your internet license and stick to chain letters. 

Note to those under 30: Chain letters used to actually be sent through the mail, as in the Postal Service, with stamps and envelopes and shit. I know, crazy!